One last thing
by gambit217
Summary: Was there ever a normal in the first place? Shepard is struggling to get there. Based after ME3, "Perfect ending". The trials and tribulations of recovery and renewal. What happens after the Reapers are all gone?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: **Updated version with a bit of editing, also I'm changing this from a oneshot to a couple chapters, because I still think there's more story in here. R+R, and enjoy!  
_

_"Don't get me wrong Shep! I'm gonna fight like hell to get the chance to hold you again…" Kaidan whispered- a note of pain laced throughout his words. Tears burned at the corners of her eyes, as her chest tightened, breaths becoming ragged and uneven. "But listen, there are things I want…No, I need to say…"_

A cool breeze caressed her face, her head swayed back and forth as she struggled to stand up right; woozily she tried to keep it straight-watching the child pace before her. Every breath became more of a chore; she clutched at her side, applying pressure to the expanding wound upon her abdomen in attempts to keep the bleeding under control. The act seemed futile as blood spurted through her fingers, coating her hand with warmth, her strength waning by the moment.

"But you are ready…you, may choose it." The child's artificial voice echoed through Shepard's head, as it stopped before her, it's glowing eyes looking up to her.

"I…I can't…" She sputtered, stifling a cough, as her mouth filled with the taste of iron. "This…this is not my decision."

_The bedroom had a chill running through it, giving her a better excuse to pull herself closer to Kaidan, his arms tightening around her as she did. It didn't help her Citadel apartment had been ravaged by Geth merely a week ago; the rebuild could be heard through the walls, making drafts a quite frequent thing. She pulled the blanket up around her shoulder, the feeling of restlessness spreading through her. So much to be done in such an undetermined amount of time, Saren couldn't have been the beginning of this prophecy…_

_"Hey." His honey like voice breaking her train of thought, he placed a hand beneath her chin- pulling it delicately upward to receive a kiss. "Where are you right now?"_

_"I'm just thinking of all that needs to be done, wondering if Dr. Chawkwas has had a chance to examine Saren's body yet…" She started to trail off as Kaidan chuckled, feeling foolish. _

_"You know we're on leave for another week right?" He laughed, kissing her forehead._

_"I know it's just I can't stop thinking of what Sovereign said." She pouted, using her free hand to push back her matted hair. "What if that was just the beginning, there's still so much we don't know." _

_"This is why I love you," Kaidan said- pulling her around him tighter, "Even with forced upon vacation time, you can't stop thinking of a new way to save the universe." _

_His words halted her panicked thoughts in their tracks, she pushed herself away from him, propping herself up on one elbow, "Did you just say that you loved me?" _

_"I don't know what you're talking about." He jested, closing his eyes as he stretched out, a sly smirk marking his perfect lips. _

_"You did, you just said you loved me!" she shot upright, pulling the blankets to cover her bare chest, giving him a playful shove. _

_He grabbed her wrist as quickly as she had out reached it, tackling her back onto the bed, his weight pinning her down- as he planted another kiss upon her lips. "So what if I did? I can't be the first person to tell the great Commander Shepard she is loved." _

_"Well…no", she joked, which he returned with a tickle to the ribs, she used her most serious tone through the giggles. "You're just the first one who's said it that I actually know means it, and who I actually return the feeling." _

Shepard swayed a top the Citadel; in the distance she could see earth burn- the glowing red and orange dots becoming larger. A tear made its way out, leaving a distinctive clear line down her cheek through the dirt and blood in its wake; she used her free hand to wipe it away to little avail. On the other side she could see the great battle, Reaper ships over taking the fleets that had taken her months to assembly in moments, her friends falling through the sky in flames. She turned back to the child, using what little energy she had left to furrow her brow. "What gives you the right?"

"Chaos breeds chaos, I have explained this." He responded plainly, "We are merely attempting to protect the universe from itself."

"I understand that…" She faltered, the rage pushing her further, "But what gives you the right to decide our fate for us? You have seen under great aversion we can prevail. You have no right to choose it for us, or to give me the power to choose it for us. You are taking our future, and without a future- we have no hope."

"We could leave you now, and just observe- the peace may last for a time, but it would not take long for war to erupt between species, for drought and famine to drive those who are just as spirited as you, to make decisions for their race- for which they have no right." The child said, looking back toward the battle field. "Peace is an illusion, and if you do not choose, the cycle will continue- leaving all those you care about and love…to die anyway."

She did her best to hold back the tears, as the many faces flashed through her mind.

_"I thought you were dead, we all did…two years it took me to get over you!" Kaidan snapped, turning his back to her, "and now you show up- acting like nothing's happened!" _

_"Kaidan, I was dead! I was on an operating table for two years, completely unaware of my surrounds, or if I even was still alive!" She yelled back at him, tears streaming down her face, she had not expected their reunion to go like this. The ghost town of Horizon surrounded them; bodies of collectors littering the ground. "You are being so selfish right now."_

_"Are you serious, me, selfish?" He turned around to face her; his eyes clouded, "I loved you, so much, and I had to read a eulogy at your funeral…do you have any idea of what that's like?" _

_She bit her lip, fighting the urge to return his scream, he was right. _

_"And now, everything I spent two years wishing for has come true, you're here…alive." His tone calmed, though his breaths remained ragged, "and you're with Cerberus, and I find myself not wanting it anymore. I've finally moved on Shepard." _

_The words cut through her like a knife, the eerie calm of Horizon echoed through her, as she desperately searched his stance. _

_"Kaidan…" She pleaded, stepping forward. _

_"I can't." He stepped back, holding up his hands. "Not right now, maybe when you're all done with whatever you're doing…well I don't know." _

_He turned to walk away, sending one last look over his shoulder, "Just be careful out there, I don't know If can handle loosing you again." _

Before her mind had caught up with what her body was doing, she had drawn her side arm, and was stumbling toward the destroy option. This had been three years and coming, every foot step, was another closer to ending this. As she walked, faces of the fallen flashed through her mind. Ashley, Mordin, Jack, Legion…Anderson. It took all her energy to raise her arm; she removed her hand from her side, letting the blood gush free. She began to shoot without hesitation, and as the casings hit the ground- she was filled with a strange sense of peace. No more pain, no more sorrow, just quiet.

_"Well, that's what I want, what do you want?" Kaidan asked, placing his hand delicately over hers across the table, his brown eyes eagerly searching her face as he waited for her response. _

_The newly renovated Presidium Commons were breath taking, the café overlooked the lake, and the artificial sunset in the distance made this the perfect moment. She returned his gaze with a smirk, "I can't bury what I feel for you anymore…and I don't want to." _

_"And that makes me so happy." He pulled her hand to his cheek, smiling widely._

The Citadel was strewn in ruins upon Earth's surface, piles of flaming wreckage made their search every harder, though Kaidan was determined. He would have a body to bury this time; he would not leave her in such disgrace. Sweat dripped from his face as he ripped through the piles, the stiches on his face starting to come loose. He blinked through his angry tears, remembering one of the last things he said to her, as he held her close- in taking her scent one last time.

_"I can't lose you again."_

He couldn't, even though he knew what they were looking for was but a body, it wasn't her. He wouldn't leave her again, he didn't care how long he had to search, and how exhausted his body was- screaming at him to stop. "Where are you Keira?" he whispered beneath his breath.

She had achieved what they set out to do, the rest of Earth was littered with wreckage of the Reapers, he didn't know how the rest of the universe was fairing, and right now he honestly didn't care.

"Major Alenko!"

Kaidan shot up right, hearing his name called from across the field.

"We've found her! She's breathing!"


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: **It never made sense to me how Kaidan ended up back on the Normandy, or why he'd leave earth. So I changed that, enjoy!  
_

_*pop*_

The gunshot echoed through her ears, driving her further, adding kindling to the already burning flame within her gut.

_*Pop**Pop*_

She released another two rounds, pressing forward as the glass began to fracture; her entire right side now covered with blood. Breaths were short, and uneven. _Just let me finish this, _she pleaded with her body. Then she could rest.

_*Pop*_

With a final pull of the trigger, the glass case erupted, sending shards flying in every direction. A wave of relief flooded her, she could have sent out a victory cry, thrown her fist in the air. The best she could muster was falling to her knees, releasing a pathetic whimper. She looked up toward the node, without its protective shield, it was now exposed to the elements. The gun in her hand slide as she lifted her arm- the blood coating her fingers making it near impossible to grip, with a deep inhale she pulled the trigger.

A loud explosion sounded the world around her erupting in flames, her eye lids became to heavy- the gun fell from her hand. She could do nothing to stop herself from falling onto the platform, the air being ripped from her lungs as flames consumed her. The world grew quiet, her vision faded into black, with a smile she let the darkness take her.

*_Beep*Beep*_

Loud boot steps pulled her back into consciousness, they pounded rapidly upon the ground, as hands poked and prodded at her. A heart rate monitor echoed annoyingly in her ears, pairing well with the squeaky wheels of the gurney.

"We need to get her into surgery now…" A man's voice sounded as if it were miles away, though she could feel the movement beneath her. With extensive effort she tried to lift her eye lids, though the most she could manage was a flutter, the haze of fire filling her vision. She tried to speak, tried to ask what happened, how she was still alive. The inhale was like a dagger, she thought she cried out, though it must have sounded like a squeak. The heart rate monitor began to wail.

_*Beep*Beep*Beep*_

"Get that oxygen mask on her!" Another ordered, within moments she felt hands lifting her head, and strapping a mask upon

her face. Her lungs were finally assisted, thankful for receiving a break.

"Doctor…Please, is she going to be okay?" A familiar husky voice called out, his footsteps matching up with the boots.

"Major Alenko, we are going to do everything we can…" The first doctor replied in a hurried tone, his boot steps picking up the pace. "It's touch and go right now."

"What does that even mean?" Kaidan snapped, she could hear the duress in his voice, as the gurney came to a stop. She wished so much that she could open her eyes now, even more she wished she could just go, and leave Kaidan to live his life.

"What that means, Major," The doctor returned Kaidan's tone, a loud click sounded as the railings were let down. "Is I am going to get her into surgery, and do everything I can to save her life- but with the extent of these injuries, and the state of the CSH now…"

The doctor paused, and his intent was clear, with a deep inhale he continued; "You should just be ready for the worst, Major."

She tried to lift her hand, tried to make any sort of movement to let them know she could hear them. She heard a pop in the back of her mind, and the darkness began to filter back into her vision.

_*Beep*Beep*Beep*Beep*_

"What is that?" Kaidan asked in a panic, "What's happening?"

"Doctor, she's hemorrhaging…"

"We need to…"

The voices faded away as she slipped out of consciousness again, her body going limp around her.

A thick fog layered the forest floor, her thin hospital gown providing little protection against the moist freeze, goosebumps blemished her seemingly flawless skin. This was strange; she lifted her arm, searching for the scars she had acquired through her years of service. Her right forearm held no sign of the darkened skin that was left after a burn wound on Virmire, she pulled the hospital gown from her shoulder; the circular scar from the bullet she took on Akuze was gone. Her hand flew to her face, she slide her fingers carefully over her left eyebrow- feeling for the separation that was left by Sarens Indoctrinated claw. She found nothing, her heart began to race as she spun around, trying to get a fix on her location.

What little she could see of the sky was the same gray as the fog, trees with bark black as night towering above her, their barren branches looming over her head- blocking off what little rest of the sky there was. Her heart took off in desperate bursts; quickening as the feeling of being boxed in over took her. Was she dead?

"Keira..."

Her ears perked up, snapping from her morbid thought process; Kaidan's voice echoed through the forest. She spun in another circle, her mind racing as she tried to figure out which direction it was coming from. The gray still surrounded her. She stopped, a flash of light caught her eye, less than a flash of light; it was as if the gray was almost lighter in this spot.

"Kaidan?" She responded, taking a step forward, moving toward the spot.

"Shepard, please...I need you to fight." His husky voice echoed in the same manner.

"Where are you?" She called out, picking up her pace, weaving through the trees. "Kaidan, where are you?"

"You promised me..." His voice grew more distant, like every step she took, he grew farther away. "You promised you'd be there waiting when I came back...but you were the one who left, and now I'm here, waiting for you."

Her pace turned to a sprint, the hospital gown flowing behind her as she ran, branches from the bushes tearing at her legs. "Kaidan! I'm here, please!" She cried out.

The light she ran toward grew more intense, the forest around her started to fade away, the ground vibrating against her feet. Tears rolled down her cheeks, her hair whipping past her as she picked up her pace even faster, "Kaidan!"

Why couldn't he hear her?

"Please, Shep. I need you." She knew that tone all to well, and could match the pained expression paired with it. She had only been forced to see it twice, once upon Horizon, and again when they first ran into each other again when she got grounded- right before the Reaper attack. Back when he was still angry with her, for so many justified reasons.

Lost in her thoughts, she misplaced a foot, sending herself tumbling into the dirt. Turning flat upon her back, she stared up at the ever lightening sky, plumes of steam escaped in place of her ragged breaths. Tears continued to escape from the corners of her eyes. "I'm here..." She whimpered, hopelessly.

"Please Keira" He said again, "I need you...to wake up..."

To what?

Within seconds of his words sounding off, the gray turned to a blinding white light; she covered her eyes with her hands.

_**Beep****...Beep...**_

The heart monitor was the first noise that registered, her eye's fluttered open, though everything was still a messy blur. The colors blobbed together, a mixture of green and black; followed by smaller pink blobs moving around her. Her entire body ached, the pain laced through her, flowing like venom through her muscles.

"Oh my god...Doctor!" Kaidan's panicked voice called out. "I think she's coming to!"

Her hands whipped to the plastic tube that was pumping air into her lungs, she tried to pull it out. Fighting the feeling of nausea that overtook her. She began to convulse, her body involuntarily moving in jerking motions.

"What the hell is happening to her?" Kaidan snapped, she could feel his hands upon her fore arms, trying to stabilize her down.

"It's too early, she's delirious...Nurse!" the doctors familiar voice sounded as he entered the room.

"What is that? What are you giving her?" Kaidan asked, gripping her tightly.

"Destryl, don't worry Major, it's just to sedate her..." The doctor replied, "Take this as a good sign, we'll be able to let her breath of her own."

Kaidan's hands relaxed from her arm, he slide his hand down to cup hers, lovingly his thumb stroked the top of her hand. "That is good news..."

She just prayed in this dream she didn't return to the forest.


	3. Chapter 3

As Keira opened her eyes, blur of an unfamiliar room met her gaze. Remnants of the sedatives had her mind covered in what felt like bubble wrap, she blinked rapidly praying for the blurs to become something, anything recognizable.

One of the dark patches began to move across her field of vision, the beeping from the monitor picked up as her heart rate quickened. In a futile attempt at sitting up, she was forced back down by a slew of wires, a sharp pain shot through her right hand from the IV.

Her head hit the pillow with surprising force, a yelp escaping her lips as the pain spread to her chest, muffled by the dryness of her throat. In a fit of confused frustration she pulled her hand, ripping the IV in one fluid motion, she pursed her lips as she clawed for the wires stuck to her chest. The machine next to her began wail unbearably, screaming in her ears as she attempted to unhook herself from it.

"Shepard!" The sound of Jokers voice caught her off guard, she immediately felt the pressure of his hands upon her wrists, pulling them to her sides. Her vision began to clear as she looked up at him, same baseball hat, and scruffy beard, though the bags beneath his eyes and the pale hue to his skin suggested sleep had become difficult for him.

The door slide open, and a nurse scurried inside, she kept her eyes to the ground as she approached the bedside. Dull brown hair fell from her pony tail and into her eyes, she did little to hide the intimidation that she felt. "Um...Is everything okay in here?"

"Yep," Joker said, releasing her wrists, "Can you just get that to shut up?"

She nodded quickly, replacing the IV seamlessly, and turning to the machine. She pushed a few buttons and the wailing ceased, turning back to Joker, she nodded down toward Keira; "I'll let the Doctor know she's awake."

The nurse scrambled from the room as quickly as she entered it, leaving Keira and Joker alone in the dimly light room. She looked to the window, rain pattered against it faintly, and the grey clouds turned black toward the edges.

"Where am I?" She coughed, propping herself on to her elbows, ignoring the sharp pain that echoed from her side.

"Vancouver..." Joker stated blandly, picking up a pitcher from her night stand and filling up a paper cup with water.

"How long?"

"It's been close to a month..." He responded, handing the cup to her. It was cool to the touch, she pulled it to her lips, welcoming the sweet relief it offered her further chaffing throat. She set the empty cup upon the night stand, pausing before looking back to him.

"A month?"

"Yep..."

She pushed herself off her elbows, wincing as she positioned herself in the up right, her left leg felt weighted down. Flipping the blanket back she frowned, her toes protruded from a hard cast that encased her leg to the knee. She knew she wouldn't be walking anytime soon. Yellow and green bruises covered her head to toe, but weren't nearly as bothersome as the bandage that wrapped around her forehead. From what she could feel she still had all her hair, and was curious to what the wound maybe.

"How do you feel?" Joker asked, his tone not marking one of real concern.

"Like I've been through a blender," She looked toward him, her smirk fading as she noticed the furrow of his brow.

He was wringing his hands, looking to the ground before speaking, "Shep, do you know how hard it is to have a proper burial for an Android?"

He sprang to his feet, and began pacing the room wildly, clearly agitated his voice raised, "No, scratch that...Do you know how hard it is to have a proper burial for an unshackled Cerberus AI, who has taken over the a double agent Android's body?"

"Jeff...I...", she stuttered, taken a back by his stern tone. The last time she had seen him this mad was when the Normandy had been grounded, that time it wasn't directed at her.

"There is about a million miles of red tape, I had to beg Kaidan to help me...I have saved that guys ass more times than I can count, and he made me beg." Joker laughed sarcastically, as he continued to pace, his hands moving vividly with his words.

She remained silent, keeping her sights trained upon him, the weight of her decisions setting in.

"When I originally brought it up, the Alliance wanted to melt her down...use her for parts, you know...recycle her. I couldn't let them do that, it just seemed demoralizing...Like she was never even a real person."

"Jeff, she wasn't a real person." She regretted the words the minute they escaped her lips, he halted his steps turning toward her bed, wrapping his fingers around the railing.

"Don't you dare say that," His nostrils flared, as his tone grew dangerously low. "If it weren't for EDI, we would have never even made it out of the Omega-4 relay."

He let go of the railing, "I just need to understand something, Shep- what happened up there?"

"I was given options, and I made a choice," Her voice cracked, tears welling in the corners of her eyes as they met his, "The same one we all set out to fulfill three years ago...at any cost."

"You're joking right?...At any cost?" Joker mocked a serious tone, resuming his wild pacing. "You wanna know something sick, Shepard?"

"Joker, I'm really tir..."

"No! You don't get to call me that now." He snapped, pointing an accusing finger toward her, "I was standing right next to her as she fell...I held her right after she died!"

"She didn't die Jeff! She was deactivated," She returned his yelled, getting sick of this conversation, how could he honestly blame her for this? "I am sorry, but she knew what she was getting into, I couldn't risk control...What if the Reapers just turned on us again? They've done it before, indoctrination is too strong, they needed to be destroyed."

"Were those really the only two options? You couldn't have done anything else?!"

"You walk in here, ready for the attack, I do not regret my decision Jeff" she paused, the chagrin bubbling within her gut, "I did what I had to, your girlfriend was not the first thought in my mind."

He stood before her, looking as if he had taken a hand across the face, utter disbelief painted with a hint of disgust. The door swung open, the squeak of the hinge was the only thing to break the awkward silence, a doctor she didn't recognize move in. The doctor stopped abruptly, surveying the room, he lowered the chart in his hands.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No," Joker responded rashly, his cheeks flushed with red "I was just leaving..."

He shot her a last look before charging from the room, leaving a trail angst in his wake. Barely a moment after Jokers departure, Garrus replaced him in the doorway, she greeted her old friend with a half-hearted smile.

"Was that Joker, what was that all about?"

"I don't know..." She lied, waving him in, reassuring the doctors confused gaze. He turned his attention back to the chart.

"Well Commander Shepard..." He paused pursing his lips, his voice did not match the one who had helped her before. "I don't really know where to start, we've healed the gash on your side, any closer and the wound could have nicked your liver. The leg was a clean break upon the Tibia, though we will want to look closer to the damage to your Patella..."

"Doctor..." She interrupted him, her head already throbbing. "English, please."

"Your shin bone, its damaged very close to your knee cap, so we'll want to keep a close eye on that." He continued with a smile, "The wound to your head was troublesome, but the recent x ray's show that there is no long-term damage, some minor bumps and bruises...for lack of a better explanation, it's really just a miracle you survived."

"Miracle or not, glad you're here, Shepard." Garrus said, joining her bedside.

"I thought I told you to leave this galaxy when I last saw you,"

"If I listened to everything you said, we'd be greeting the Reapers on Ilos," the Turian jested, placing a hand upon her shoulder.

"Well I'll come back later to check on you, it's going to be a long road from here Commander," The doctor shrugged sympathetically, before exiting the room. She nodded to him politely, folding her hands into her lap, trying to keep her focus off of the dull throbbing in the corner of her temple.

"Good to have you here," she scoffed, noticing there was one important face missing from the room. "Where's Kaidan?"

"Home, I made him go. He has spent as much time as possible stationed at your beside, expect for the occasional military wind and grind."

The rain began to pound harder, the gray clouds completely shaded black now, she looked to the clock high up on the wall. How had it gotten so late, though she had only been away for a short time, she could feel her eye lids weighing down.

"I'll let him know you're...some what awake. But for now, you should get as much rest as possible, nobody has any use for a broken solider." He smiled, moving closer to the door, sliding the shades upon the window facing the hallway closed.

"Just a broken old solider now, huh?" she returned with a yawn, the room grew dimmer, as did her consciousness.

She leaned back into her pillow, closing her eyes as Garrus shut off the light. It was barely a second before she was asleep.

It must have been some hours later when she woke, the room was still dark, rain drops still pounding upon the window. She let the pillow suck her further in, as she began to tap her finger along with the rhythm of the machines.

"Hey, you're up." His voice was like honey, sweet and smooth, causing her heart to skip a beat.

"Kaidan?"

"Yeah, it's me," he responded, pushing the hair from her face, before leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I am so glad to see you again."

She grabbed his hand, using what little strength she had to pull his face down to hers, taking in his sweet breath. She kissed him deeply, wrapping her arms around his neck, and continuing to pull him in further.

When she came up for air, she could barely see the outline of his face in the shadows. She could smell his smell, and hear his voice, but was filled with an over whelming sense of sorrow. She lowered her hands, sliding one upon his cheek.

"Kaidan, is it over?"

"Well, aside from the clear up-"

"No, Kaidan...is it over." She asked again, choking the words out through her quickly swelling throat. Her eyes began to burn at the sides, threatening to tear her apart the seams, she eagerly awaited his response.

"Yes, Keira...it's over."

Without warning, she erupted in to terrible sobbing, her entire body shook as the tears streamed freely down her face. Kaidan quickly took the cue to slide into the tiny bed next to her, wrapping his arms tightly around her, and burying his face in her hair. He didn't question the normally well composed Commander's sudden explosion of emotion, he just held her.

"For tonight," He continued, his voice muffled by her hair, "You are just here with me. Tomorrow, you can be Commander Shepard, tonight you are Keira, the woman I love...who just needs a hug."

With that sentiment, Keira wished this night would never end.

**A/N:** _I really felt like running into Joker would be awesome, just because he's such an emotional character, and wouldn't quite grasp what happened with the destroy ending. I realize the ending of this chapter seems a lot like an actual ending, but not to worry, I've got more up my sleeves! Thanks for reading...-G_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Finally getting good ideas for this story. Enjoy and be kind!

"C'mon Shepard, get up!" Vega barked, his voice echoed against the white walls of the hospital rec room. Keira couldn't help but hate him right now, how easily he stood there, towering over her as he circled around like a shark. He remained still for right now- burly arms crossed before a muscular chest, his brow furrowed slightly- attempting to mask the pain behind his eyes.

"Let's go, Lola. On your feet." This came across as more of a plea. He drew her gaze to his, nodding forward with encouragement.

It had always been easy for her to relate to James Vega, he reminded her so much of herself. When she had started to really become coherent again, he had been by to visit her every day- even on his busiest days. She enjoyed laying back in her hospital bed, watching as he attempted to teach Garrus how to play poker- they bickered like old friends. It was a bittersweet reminder of the times before the war.

Her arms felt feeble, shaking beneath the weight of her body, threatening to give out at any moment. Beads of sweat sprouted along her hairline, as her palms began to slip against metal railings- she was losing her grip. She gritted her teeth, pushing harder as she lowered her feet, hesitantly placing them upon the matted floor.

The pain was immense, it shot from the bottom of her left foot, to her hip in a matter of seconds. She cried out, faltering against the railings, tears running freely down her face. Familiar hands wrapped beneath her armpits, lifting her back up.

"Her name isn't Lola," Kaidan said with a nip, helping to stabilize her again. He slide a stool beneath her, scooting her hips upon it. "She needs a break."

"What she needs is to not have a crutch," Vega snapped back, nodding towards Kaidans hands- which were still firmly placed upon her hips.

"A crutch? She's barely out of the hospital, she's still in recovery." Kaidan growled.

"**She**, is a top ranked solider, and doesn't need some coño telling her to slow down."

Keira could feel the tension rising in the room, the men stared each other down like rabid dogs. "Hey!_ I_ am standing right here...well, not standing. But you get what I mean." She said with a sour sarcasm, moving her glare between them. "James, give us a minute."

Vega looked back to her with disbelief, rolling his eyes heavily, before strutting away angrily muttering beneath his breath. "_joder coño, esto es una locura"_

Kaidan finally released her hips, circling around to her front, "Man, sometimes I forget what a hot head that guy can be."

"He's right, Kaidan." Keira admitted, placing her hands upon the railings. The momentary silence that followed forced her to meet his gaze. He seemed almost paused in time, his expression frozen as his eyes searched her face. "Well, I mean...not about the coño thing. But, the over all message."

Their communication skills had never been perfect. More over her inability to communicate to anyone had been far from perfect. Growing up, fists did more talking than words, as a solider it wasn't any different. It wasn't until she had met Kaidan, that she have even felt the need to express any emotions verbally. Keira forced her eyes downward- afraid that she wouldn't be say what needed to be said if she kept them connected to his.

"Look, I asked for James' help for a reason. If I wanted someone to coddle me, I would've had one of those peppy Physical Therapy girls to do it. And to be honest, most of them are too scared of me to challenge what I say anyway." It all rushed from her lungs at once, in an irritated tone that she did not intend.

Keira continued to keep her eyes to the floor, surveying the cracks spanning across the sickly blue mats. Her gaze trailed to Kaidan's ratted boots, mud caked the toes and trailed up to the laces. Everyone had been working day and night on rebuilding. She couldn't help the feeling of guilt that filled her, especially with her treating him this way after he had taken time away to come see her.

"Just after all we've been through...after all you've been through, I just don't want to take any chances." Kaidan sighed, gently placing his hand on top of hers. Her hips against the metal stool grew uncomfortable, she yearned to lift herself up and drape her arms around his broad shoulders. To rest her head in that perfect nook of his neck, and to take in his scent. Within the past fifteen seconds she thought of the thousands of things she hadn't been able to do with him, and it drove her crazy.

Keira smirked, flipping her hand right side up, cupping his hand into hers. "Kaidan, it's a miracle that I'm even here. I don't understand how, or why even. I just can't waste a second chance..." She stifled a laugh at his raised eyebrow, "Sorry...third chance, on being stuck in some wheel chair. That's not who I am, and you have to let me do this my way."

"I know, and it's something I've always loved about you, but I-"

She raised her free hand up to his cheek, cupping it carefully beneath her palm. "Kaidan, please. Just trust me."

He hesitated for a moment before nodding, lowering down to place a gentle kiss upon her lips. "Okay, Shepard."

Keira knew that tone all to well, it's exact meaning was it wasn't okay. She decided to leave this for another time, maybe one when she could meet his eye level. He gave her a halfhearted smirk, squeezing her hand once more before turning and walking back through the door.

Keira looked on after him, watching as his visibly defeated stance grew smaller as he made it way down the hall. She sighed heavily, running her hand across her face. Thoughts back to before the fight to retake Earth flooded her mind. Laying in Kaidan's arms upon the Normandy that last night. The bed in the Captains quarters was a king, though they barely utilized the space. A majority of the night had been spent intertwined within each other. Her head upon his chest, smiling as she listened to his rhythmic breathing. His arm wrapped around her back, leaving his hand to trail along her bicep, sending chills down her spine. They lay there in silence for what seemed like eternity, or a form that she wished of it.

Within the past month, things had changed. They both seemed different- older versions of themselves. That couple who laid in bed together, completely enveloped with each other, were a thing of the past. The little communication they had left, had all but stopped. With her recovery time, and Kaidan's work on the rebuild, they rarely had moments to just be: Keira and Kaidan. Or maybe it was just her that had changed.

Nightmares had become more brutal, plaguing every hint of sleep she got. Most nights it took a sedative to fully knock her out. Keira grew shaky in the stool, her breaths growing more rapid- threatening to rip her apart.

She panned to the window, staring out blankly at the dim Vancouver afternoon. Rain drizzled against the window, illuminated in a brilliant disco ball fashion by sun streams eager to break free from the gray cloud cover. Keira gripped the parallel bars, turning her head forward. She pushed against the bars, using all of the upper body strength she could muster to pull herself up.

She hovered there for a moment, hesitating about lowering her feet to the floor.

"You are Commander Shepard, of the Alliance Marines." She muttered to herself, exhaling dramatically. Her biceps began to burn, she could feel the skin on her palms rubbing raw against the metal bar. "You have survived three so called suicide missions...put your feet on the ground!"

As if her feet had a mind of their own, they lowered to the floor- hovering an inch above it before finally touching down. This time the pain was far more bearable, a dull throb instead of a quick stab. Keira kept most of the weight on her arms, slowly transferring it to her feet.

"Now take a step..." James said from the doorway. He was leaned up against the frame, grinning ear to ear with a air of smugness.

"I don't think I can."

"You are Commander Keira Shepard, of the Alliance Marines." James replied, ignoring her plea. " You are the sole survivor of Akuze. You made it through the Omega-4 relay!"

"James..."

Her legs began to shake beneath her, transferring most the weight back to her already exhausted arms. He moved from the doorway, taking the short steps to the parallel bars- wrapping his hands around the ends. His tone grew increasingly more aggressive, "You took down the Collector base. For Christ sake, Shepard, you've already died once! And you're telling me you can't take a fucking step?!"

Keira pushed down on her legs hard, the pain was nearly blinding. Tears again ran down her face, mixing with the sweat that ran from her brow. A low growl emerged from her gut as the moved her left leg forward. The minute her foot hit the mat, her knee locked- sending her toppling forward. She landed hard on her knees, her left hand gripping the railing, her right flat upon the mat. She panted heavily with her head hanging low. Stabilizing herself on the mat, as James waited patiently next to her, lowering into a squat.

"I told you I couldn't..."

"I don't know, Lola." He smirked, sizing her up. "Looks to me like you took your first step..."

"I just dont-"

"I used to have this Commander, strong woman. We got into one time and she said something that, you know just really turned me around."

Keira sighed, her breaths evening out finally, "Oh yeah, what was that?"

"Maybe you don't care if you live or die anymore." James started, wrapping his hands around her biceps, and lifting her to a standing position like a rag doll. He turned slowly, lowering her down into her wheel chair. He lingered at her eye level, "But, if you're half as good as I _know_ you are...you're much more useful to us alive. I know it may not be any of my business, but I've seen plenty of good soliders go through this..."

"You're right, Vega...it is none of your business." Keira interrupted him, "Sounds like your Commander was full of it."

Vega laughed openly at this, lowering himself back into a squat in front of her. "Maybe so...best damned Commander I've ever severed under."

Keira bit her lip, her breath finally slowing down. As did the world around her. She looked to James,"I just don't know if I can be her again."

James cupped her hand into his, smiling at how small it looked in comparison. His thumb stroking the top of her hand. This was a softer side that she had never quite been shown of James. A smirk hinted at his lips, as he carefully calculated his next words. She watched, not quite sure of what was going to happen next. With his hands still firmly planted on hers, he used his free hand to wipe away the strands of hair that had fallen into her eyes. Keira continued to stay frozen.

"I'm going to do something, and I don't want you to look any farther into it than what it is. It's just something I need to do to get past...something else."

What did that mean? Keira thought, unsure of what to make of his hand placements, and his rambling. "Vega, what—"

His lips pushed against hers, the hand that had stroked away the hair found it's way to the back of her head- pulling her in deeper.

_What are you doing? _Her mind screamed at her in horror, as she pushed her lips back against his. She had no idea what she was doing, Something had inhibited her body, taking control. It was just all irresistible, the fullness of his lips, his smell and his taste. It all felt so...wrong. Thoughts of Kaidan flashed through her mind, and she felt she could be sick.

In a matter of seconds it was over, he pulled himself away and straightening up.

"What the hell?!" Keira demanded, as he began to push her through the door.

"Just something I needed to do, Lola. I told you to not to look any further into it." James laughed, as they made their way back to her hospital room. "C'mon, don't tell me it was awful."

"That's not the point! It was inappropriate, and unmerited." She stuttered, wishing she had the ability to turn around and sock him.

"Calm down, Lola." James said softly, which only infuriated her more. They continued at a slow pace down the hospital hall way. Making their way to the exit, they had stationed her in a house across the way with Kaidan. Close enough to been seen quickly if needed, but far enough to not feel sick. Much to her dismay, James continued "Look, It's just something I needed, before I could...well, get past you. I know it's all those things, but it was also only one kiss. You'll get over it."

Keira just shook her head in disapproval, as they made their way out of the hospital. _It was only a kiss, you will get over it. _

A/N: Ah I'm a sucker for conflict. Sorry for the long pause between updates.


End file.
